Whether you're pitching a corporate client or negotiating the price of a car, there are tips and techniques we can all use to channel the power of persuasion.
First, be a good listener
“Being persuasive ironically requires that you be a good listener,” says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, a clinical psychologist and best-selling author from Lake Forest, Illinois. “You want them to realize why your idea is a good one, and to do that, you need to know what is important to them.” Reinforce that you hear what the person is saying and then repeat what they said, says Dr. Lombardo. “This helps them feel heard, which is important. If someone does not feel heard, they will focus on making sure you hear their side and not focus on listening to you,” she explains.
Recognize what matters…to them
Sure, you’re focused on what matters to you, but the key to persuasion is understanding what matters to the other person—and, conversely, what doesn’t, says Erica McCurdy, a certified life coach from Norcross, Georgia. This is achieved through what she calls “active listening.” “When we focus more on what we want to say next than on what the other person is saying to us, we are likely to miss opportunities to align with the other person, shorten the path to agreement, and lessen the discomfort of the conversation,” she says. Sharpening your empathy skills can help you see other people’s perspectives.
It’s not about you
If you’re trying to persuade someone, don’t focus on what you want. Don’t start sentences with “I want” or “I think.” Instead, focus on how what you’re offering can benefit the other person. “Each time you start with what you want, you put distance between you and your goal,” says McCurdy. She also suggests avoiding phrases that can sound accusatory, such as “You don’t understand” or “You didn’t hear what I said.” “Try to think about the other person’s self-interest, not yours,” she explains, adding that you should avoid the temptation to talk directly about what you want until you’ve considered the other person’s agenda.
No “buts” about it
Certain words and phrases—such as repeatedly saying “but”—carry a negative connotation and can limit your effectiveness, says Dr. Lombardo. Using “but,” as in “I hear what you are saying, but…” can negate the other person’s perspective and place on you opposite sides of the argument, she says. It also goes without saying, but you should avoid attacking a person by telling them that they’re wrong or being stupid, says Dr. A.J. Marsden, an assistant professor of human services and psychology at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida.” Once an attack is made, any chance at persuading them is gone,” she says.
It’s not about you
If you’re trying to persuade someone, don’t focus on what you want. Don’t start sentences with “I want” or “I think.” Instead, focus on how what you’re offering can benefit the other person. “Each time you start with what you want, you put distance between you and your goal,” says McCurdy. She also suggests avoiding phrases that can sound accusatory, such as “You don’t understand” or “You didn’t hear what I said.” “Try to think about the other person’s self-interest, not yours,” she explains, adding that you should avoid the temptation to talk directly about what you want until you’ve considered the other person’s agenda. Don’t miss these 5 power words to instantly get what you want.
No “buts” about it
Certain words and phrases—such as repeatedly saying “but”—carry a negative connotation and can limit your effectiveness, says Dr. Lombardo. Using “but,” as in “I hear what you are saying, but…” can negate the other person’s perspective and place on you opposite sides of the argument, she says. It also goes without saying, but you should avoid attacking a person by telling them that they’re wrong or being stupid, says Dr. A.J. Marsden, an assistant professor of human services and psychology at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida.” Once an attack is made, any chance at persuading them is gone,” she says. Here are some other behaviors that make you look like a jerk.
Focus on the “we”
While certain words and phrases should be avoided, others, like using “we” instead of “I” can make you more persuasive. “Using words of understanding and solidarity with the other person’s position help narrow the gap between you and make the other person feel like you’re on the same side. Using ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ brings you closer,” says McCurdy. She suggests using phrases like, “We both want to…” from the standpoint of their benefit, not yours. People often “dig in their heels” because they don’t feel respected or heard, she advises. “Show the other person you understand how much they care about their position by recognizing their feelings—validation goes a long way toward bringing you closer to agreement,” she says.
Confidence is king The same goes for adding “ummm.” “Saying ‘ummm’ makes you appear unconfident and unknowledgeable, both of which reduce the likelihood that someone will be persuaded by you,” Dr. Lombardo says. Your level of confidence can make or break an argument, adds Dr. Marsden. “The moment that your confidence falters, you lose footing. You need to sound experienced in the content so that they trust your judgment,” she says.
Let your body talk
Body language certainly impacts how persuasive we appear. After all, if you seem nervous, you won’t be as effective. To appear more relaxed, avoid postures that can make you appear closed off or uptight. “Showing open body language is more persuasive than closed body language,” says Dr. Marsden. “Closed body language would be crossing your arms and/or legs and making yourself look smaller. This does not show confidence.” You should also stand tall with your shoulders back and head held high, as physical confidence can relay that you’re also emotionally and psychologically strong, says Dr. Lombardo. “For example, when you are buying a car, your physical confidence will increase the likelihood that the sales person will believe you to be psychologically confident and even walk away if you don’t like the deal,” she says.
source: https://www.rd.com/list/how-to-be-more-persuasive/
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