Somewhere along your leadership journey, you may find yourself having to manage a manipulator. Manipulation comes in many different forms in the workplace, and if it’s not managed or deterred, it can create a highly toxic work environment.
The psychological influence that’s wielded through manipulation can often result in a coercive or abusive relationship. Those who are victimized by the manipulation often react by way of enabling, conflict, or worse, experiencing trauma. For example, the victimized employee may continuously make excuses for a subordinate's lack of productivity. Or they may pitch in to ensure the work is completed on time. Such "enablers" may allow themselves to be manipulated, which only encourages the behavior to continue. If this same employee suddenly stops enabling the manipulator, conflict will most likely ensue. Finally, there are those individuals traumatized from manipulative tactics. Their plight can lead to high levels of anxiety, illness or worse.
So how do you thwart the manipulator's methods in order to keep the work culture healthy?
Leaders need to know that fear is often the root of why manipulators act as they do. Simply put, manipulators are battling their own insecurities. Therefore, it may require the support of mental health professionals to help both the manipulator and the victim successfully manage and move past this behavior.
The movie “Mean Girls” exemplifies common manipulative tactics that occur in high school involving pecking order. Unfortunately, there are many women and men who don't seem to grow out of this kind of behavior, and it rears it’s ugly head in the workplace. As an example, I recently worked with a company struggling with manipulation. The "original" team members were making it difficult for the new hires to onboard successfully, and this resulted in a clear team division and an overall drop in productivity. Some of the original team members even expressed their concerns that the "new employees were trying to come in and change everything." In turn, they rebelled by withholding project data and intentionally excluded them from critical communication. This form of manipulation often revolves around social hierarchy and is more common than you think. If it’s not managed or deterred, it can create a highly toxic work environment.
If you find yourself managing a manipulator, it’s time to take some positive steps toward change. Here are a few ways to get started:
Clarify the level. Certain behaviors that may appear to be harmless to some may be detrimental to others. For example, one employee may choose to ignore a "snarky" remark, where another may take it to heart and ruminate on it to a point where it causes a team rift.
As a leader, first ascertain the level of the manipulation by exploring behavioral patterns along with how the behavior affects others. Is it subtle, harmless and easily thwarted? Or has it escalated to a detrimental level? A targeted 360 evaluation is a confidential way for the leader to identify manipulators and gather opinions about the workplace culture. Inviting in a mental health professional, specializing in working with manipulation, is also a great way to gain an unbiased, professional perspective on positive and negative interpersonal patterns. Through observation, consulting and training, they should then be able to offer preventative and management techniques.
Ask direct questions. When working with a manipulator, accusations may fly. This only puts the manipulator on the defense and may increase the unwanted behavior. Confidential and respectful dialogue with the use of open-ended questions is the best way to bring issues to the surface.
If your work and disposition are being negatively impacted by a manipulative employee, you may decide to talk with them directly. If you're aware of manipulation, you should proactively squelch the behavior by questioning each party involved alone (and/or together) to get to the root of the problem.
Start by asking these questions:
• What is really going on here?
• I sense some dissatisfaction from you. Is this accurate?
• How can we make this work?
Recently, I used these questions to address a manipulator in my own career. I immediately sensed a positive shift in our relationship. It was obvious my questions made an impact because the individual curtailed much of his behavior. By addressing the issue upfront, I gained his respect, and the individual now recognizes that I will not tolerate that behavior.
Have compassion. Remember, manipulators often work from a place of fear. They wouldn’t behave in such a way unless they were scared of something. This could likely be a sense of insecurity about performance or status. As a leader, try to employ a little compassion. Don’t fire back with an arsenal of negatives; instead, understand they are worried and uncomfortable in their own skin at the moment. Depending on the situation, give them time and space — and even a safety net, including your offer to listen.
Watch and observe. Observe patterns in the manipulative behavior. Look for triggers and influencers and consider how they might be diminished. For example, if you find that the manipulator is targeting one individual in particular, reassign roles or place a third party on the team.
If the pattern is consistent, mentoring or mediation is a great way of intervening, helping the manipulator gain awareness of their behavior, and proactively preventing further occurrences. If you’re unsure of how to handle the situation, take your concerns and objective observations to someone higher up.
source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2016/04/21/how-to-deal-with-a-manipulator-in-your-workplace/?sh=151c6dd31948
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